Why am I do fucking weak. I just can't do anything right. It's my last year in jssbbg next year. And yes, I want that year to be a great one. I want to be in team. I want to play. I want to make a difference. I don't want to be benched. I want finals. I want that feeling of having your schoolmates cheering for you. I want.
But this thing always come to my mind when I thought about those above: Val, are you good enough? Are you sure you will enter team? Are you sure you won't be benched like every year? Are you sure you will be able to endure all the tough trainings, conditioning trainings, long runs. Are you able to cope w bbal and studies? Are you able to convince your aunt to let you play for season next year? What if she said no, focus on your studies? You know you're always not good enough. No matter how hard you try. Are you sure you won't disgrace yourself by crying during training again?
These made me doubt my own ability. I just want to play. I just want finals. I want it so badly that every time I'm dying in training, I tell myself " you can do it. One more round will make a difference. You will improve by running that little bit more. Endure."
I've never been so passionate about basketball. I've never wanted to win so badly. Never. But of course it's not up to me. They're the main players. Xinyi, Chermaine, Yingxuan, Yingyi, Shahidah, Anabel. They're all so much better than me. I mean like... Who am I to say that I want finals? Getting in to team next year might already be a problem. Want finals? Want to play? Want to make a difference? FAT HOPE
:'(
Thankyou chiok for the text.
Thankyou belly for asking me to stay strong.
Thankyou Felicia for giving me a hug.
Thankyou sera for asking me whether I'm okay.
Thankyou Chermaine and vernice for encouraging me.
