Im the one in red.
When im 3.
When i was 6,
everything was perfect.
When im 7, that smile, those laughter :(
But, thats when everything starts going wrong.
11th birthday.
1st bday since mum left. dad dont even bother :(
when im eleven, she somehow become part of our family.
idk why, she sort of replaced mummy. :'(
Dad's 39th birhday and his last birthday :(
till then, i still hate her.
Since im 8, ive been hearing those adults saying about how much they hate who and who.
Since im 9, i would cry to sleep when ever i hear mum and dad fighting, quarreling.
for one whole year, mum broke down. and she left. i was only 10, bro was only 5.
who gna take care of us? who gnna care for us? who gna cook, bring us home from that time onwards?
those fear i faced, im only 10. what can i do?
Sent to grandmother house, dad can actually not visit us for 2 weeks. i didnt know my stepmum exist at all. they had no other how i used to cry to sleep every night. praying that she will come back. praying that dad would come fetch us. praying so hard that things will be back to normal soon.
But no. i was left there for 3 years. 3years, no one cared no one bothered.
i remember that dad was so drunk that he fainted and fell sick. i was so worried that early in the morning i went bought breakfast and went to visited him. guess who welcomed me? my stepmum, a stranger. Who the hell was she. idk. dad told me to spent the night there, waking up only to find them asleep, cuddling together. i left the house immediately. Cried and cried. no one knew how much i cried.
one day i finally picked up the courage, i ask him. both of you are married,right?
he told me, yes, you wont be mad right? i cried so hard that i couldnt breathe. then what about mum? i wanted him to be happy, i said of course not. as long as youre happy.
all i wanted was a prefect family. why isit so hard? why isit that i used to care about them the dont bother at all? what am i exactly to them? am i even his daughter? He finally got his own house, again.
i moved in together with bro. i tried so hard to accept stepmum. but one day, she showed her true colours. she beat me and bro, when dads not around. how nice uh? everyday i have to worry about what if after training im late and cant reach home in time to fetch bro? will he be okay when he's waiting for me to help him open the door? will he be hungry? everything that a parent should be worrying about, i am. i often have to think, where the hell to find money to buy dinner for the both of us tonight? Everytime i ran out of money, we would cook instant noodle and egg. thats our dinner.
everyday he would reach home at 11 plus 12. i was asleep. every morning i just wish i can tell him im leaving for school ,he would just lock his door, and wouldnt answer even if i knock on the door.
there were even days where he will come home drunk. shouting at us.
There was once, he hugged me and cried. Saying about how he might be jailed for something he didnt do. my heart broke, thats my dad, trying so hard to make our life good and even ended up being misunderstood. i didnt understand him, i failed as a daughter. but when i start realising i should be better to him, he left too. leaving me and bro alone, once again :'(
What's my childhood like? Thats how its like.
feel so good to cry out and say everything off :'(
